Baby if you give it to me, I'll give it to you, as long as you want...

So, yeah it's been a while, over a year, since I last posted anything one here which probably means no one even goes on here anymore but it's good for letting my feelings out I suppose. Things get harder the older you get, everything that seemed like the end of the world when I was younger just seems so much more trivial. I hate having to worry about money and food and washing and cleaning and living and surviving let alone uni and then worrying about boys on top of that is just frustrating. Being a slut helps with that for a while but then I just felt kinda empty and unloved which isn't fun but I guess I brought that upon myself. Now I don't even know what's going on with my life, I find it so hard to tell if people care about me the same that I care about them. Although I'm definitely an outgoing guy, I'm just not the guy that can bring up issues defining a relationship as a relationship or even anything related to feelings and closeness. I guess I just hate the thought of possibly being rejected. But as soon as you have that deal with suddenly other guys just appear from nowhere wanting to get with you. Which is typical. I mean, where were they when I was single and having fun? Obviously they turn up when I'm in a state of confusion and I don't even know where I'm going with this or what I'm doing with my life. Why can't we go back to simpler times like in primary school? Meh.

A song my friend is writing :) In progress

Verse 1

Underneath the stars we lay

Never dreamed you felt this way

You held me close and brushed my face

When our lips touched, my heartbeat raced

Chorus 
But now, I see, life doesn't turn out as expected
I've just got to move on, & only time will heal my pain
I wish you all the happiness that’s in my heart
You were always there for me
But it just wasn't meant to be

Verse 2

The day you met her at your work
the sparkle in your eye, when it met hers

You were captivated by her, more each day.
I watched while she stole your heart away

Chorus 
But now, I see, life doesn't turn out as expected
I've just got to move on, & only time will heal my pain
I wish you all the happiness that’s in my heart
You were always there for me
But it just wasn't meant to be

Bridge

And the time goes by, so slowly without you
the seasons pass and loneliness surrounds me 
couples from a distance, all I’ve ever dreamed of
But you’re all I ever wanted, my one forbidden love

Chorus 
But now, I see, life doesn't turn out as expected
I've just got to move on, & only time will heal my pain
I wish you all the happiness that is in my heart
You were always there for me
But it just wasn't meant to be

Auld Lang Syne

It’s supposed to be 2012, the whole fresh start new beginnings crap that no-one ever sticks to. Yet I’m sat here thinking of things that hurt me two years ago. It just seems pathetic and I’m not gonna sleep and I feel like no-one understands how I feel ever which is again, ridiculous as everyone has the downpoints in their life and tbh, people have been through much worse than me… But I still can’t help feeling down about the trivial crap that goes on day to day, no matter how much I lie to myself and tell myself that I’m stronger than that, these things still hurt. :( 


                                                                              x-Jan-x

And I’m gonna try to hold it all in. Try to hold back my tears

I missed you for so long yet it feels wrong to miss you when I know you were a bad person and it’s been 2 years yet I still think about you too much. I’m just fucked up and I think you did it to me, I’m not myself anymore.

Rant it up

The year 9 class I TA with on Mondays and Thursdays spent the whole lesson today shouting ‘gayboy.’ These people have no respect, so I gave them an S1 even though I just wanted to punch them. I hate chopsy kids.

Farewell

I’m in a really ranty mood but I can’t think of anything to rant about which is really not good because I feel like venting for several lines. However, this is made particularly difficult when listening to a smooth jazz version of ‘Nyan Cat.’ This is sad but it does sound like they’re saying my name again and again and it makes me feel really special because I’m lonely and have no life :’)
                               
                                                                            x-Jan-x

I Just Wanna F

UCAS is a bitch, just saying. I finally finished all my Personal Statement, Information, Reference Editing, Payment etc and now my application is still waiting to go because my predicted grades aren't high enough. So now I have to email all of the universities on my application to see if they will still consider giving me an offer with my current predicted grades which is bloody annoying because they probably get thousands of emails every day which they have to reply to so I'm probably adding to the pile of pointless emails.

Also, I helped out at Open Evening in Sixth Form today which was a pointless thing to do as I really helped none of the prospective students, I ended up chatting to the ones that I already knew and stuffing my face with jelly babies before sneaking out for a crafty fag with Zan, which we had to refer to as 'Hot Chocolate' because the teachers don't know she smokes haha. Anyways, I just wanted to write something - like my entire life story - because I haven't written anything at all in a while and I know I have many avid fans. Fucking joke. Haha.

                                                                            x-Jan-x

Damn boy

I finally cooked my pasta!

It's been a while, but I'm here now

Life is bad when you are struggling to cook packet pasta… I really can’t be arsed but my sister isn’t here to do it for me :( I couldn’t even put the right amount of milk in the pan. Why am I fail of a human being? I did, however, manage to add some philadelphia so hopefully that will make it taste nice; totally trying to be a chef but a ‘from the packet’ chef of course. This rant isn’t even rantworthy; I don’t even know what I’m going on about let alone anyone else, so good luck if you actually read this. All you grammar Nazi’s, please ignore my incorrect use of the semi-colon, I just like putting it everywhere. 


                                                                                    x-Jan-x

Bring the Beat In

Listening to ‘Love On Top’ on repeat, that song is literally amazing and it makes me wanna get up and dance which kinda sucks because I can;t dance. Fuck. My. Actual. Life. The number of key changes B did at the VMA’s was actually stunning during this song, I was amazed, true story. I really want to stay at home and listen to ‘4’ on shuffle but unfortunately, I have to do a musical tonight, Godspell, and I’m worried it’s gonna be awful because the bass part is really high and I’m not the greatest singer in the world as it is. Everyone keeps telling me to ‘break a leg’ which is supposed to be a good thing but I don’t really want to come home tonight with a broken leg… Apparently it’s from a theatrical superstition that giving someone ‘good luck’ before a performance is bad luck - tell that to Jessie J…


                                                                             x-Jan-x

Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy

I'm now a year 13 :) (second year of college, last year of high school if you're American) and I still feel like a Year 12... My timetable is shocking; last year I had a nice Wednesday lie in - not starting till 11:15 - ideal for getting drunk the night before but this year I have first period every day. The woman that does the timetable needs a serious talking to - I can't put up with this for a whole year! Every day feels like a struggle with myself to get up and stay awake, I have no wish to be up at 7 everyday but then again, who does? Motivation to go to college is severely lacking but with university looming ahead and the dire need for at least an ABB in my A-levels I'm afraid I must inflict this torture upon myself for the next year. Yes, this is whiney and probably just a bid for some sympathy but I thought this important topic deserved a post all of it's own; now to think of a suitable lyric for the title...

                                                                            x-Jan-x

Going to a funeral tomorrow, I hate funerals, they're so depressing. Is that really the way to celebrate someone's life? With mourning, black and depression? A person's life is something amazing and wonderful, their funeral should be a time to reflect on all the things they've done throughout their time and celebrate the life they had. Just a short post to reflect on stuff =)

                                                                                x-Jan-x

You only said goodbye with words

I do believe Formspring has once again died. It seems to go through random fluxes of being popular and then just nothing, I'm going to miss all the random insults and other crap that I received. R.I.P Formspring and of course Amy Winehouse who has received constant streams of public and media attention within the last 24 hours. I understand why people are upset because it seems to have drawn the spotlight away from the devastating tragedy in Norway, but in this country (UK) she was a public icon, a talented, yet troubled, musician and her death was a great loss to not only the music industry but also her family, friends, fans and colleagues. I understand where people are coming from when they are annoyed she has taken the spotlight but it's no excuse for all the hate and distasteful jokes made at her expense. Think about how you would feel if it was one of your family members this tragic event had happened to.

                                                                   x-Jan-x

{{}}

It's so quiet in my house right now and I feel like I could sit here forever, mulling over all the thoughts in my brain.    There's something magical about the whole serenity of silence, you feel so peaceful and in control. I think everyone should have a little bit of silence everyday to quietly reflect upon their thoughts and/or actions. It's really useful when considering important decisions or even every day things; giving them a bit more thought can make a world of difference. Or even, just sitting and relaxing, perhaps with a good book, and just enjoying an escape from the drama of life in general.

                                                                                  x-Jan-x

you got me in a crazy position

It's been a long, long, long time since my last blog post (and yes, I have noticed that I've used long three times in the same sentence) so I thought it really was time to write down something new. It doesn't feel like much has happened in life but inevitably I will manage to scribble down some mismatched thoughts and just get a few
things off my chest.

I wrangled a place at the yr11 prom on Friday night, which I must say was one of the best sober nights I've had - mainly due to my strong belief that dancing like a drunken slut is the only way to have fun when you are still stone cold sober. However, all in all, I had a great time and spoke to some people I'd never had the opportunity to converse with beforehand. It did feel weird sorta chilling with my sister's year though but it was different and I never went to my own prom, what a deprived high school life I led... But, I didn't get drunk which is a shocker, normally any chance to get wasted I take but I was a good lad. =) I've also taken to black coffee, which I'm sure will become useful the next hangover I get, so that's pretty cool. I'm loving how there's actually nothing significant that I have to say and that this post is boring even me, but oh well, something exciting is bound to happen so, just not in the last month or so. Haha.

                                                                           x-Jan-x

I'm tripping and I could not get over

So we set a new record for the amount of customers in one night tonight at work. 236 people!!! This is quite a lot, especially for a small town like Ledbury. The worst part is that I've gone past the point of being tired completely and won't be able to sleep for another three hours at least... Oh well, at least the boss was fairly happy because of all the money he made, though I did get told off because I dropped a knife - it fell on a chair and I tried to pick it up, dropped it on the floor and almost hit a customer - needless to say Amid wasn't happy... Anyways, I don't really have anything much to say, I just haven't posted in a while and it needed doing really. Oh yeah, I'm now getting married on December 25th to a colleague, it's going to be themed - lesbian winter wonderland - and I'm apparently wearing a dress made of tissue paper so that should prove interesting. Peace out.

                                                                               x-Jan-x

I want sex for breakfast

So, I think the school x factor is on May 12th but I still haven't really committed to a song yet, I'm pretty much screwed to be honest. I keep asking people what they think and everyone has a different opinion and when I think I finally have 1, a few people will hate it and say it sounds awful so I just don't know what to sing. I need to decide really soon though or I will be stuck singing nothing on stage, looking like a right lemon. But, how do I know what to do when everyone has such different opinions? Every song also has it's difficulties as well, whether it be breathing issues, a note issue or a bad vibrato issue. This is so hard.

Set Fire To The Rain

I frequently get annoyed with myself throughout conversation. You know that one friend who never shuts up? Well, that's me. It seems that no matter what, I can always find something to say, whether it's interesting or not. Even if people were just to reply with yes, no or just make a face - I am still capable of carrying an entire conversation but, skillfully without divulging my life story. This is probably what most normal people would call chatting shit and that's exactly what it is, this beautiful trait I have is further heightened throughout online conversation (yes, people it gets worse) where I can type lines and lines of irrelevant information that no-one really cares about. You might think this makes me unbearable to talk too, which it does for most people, but there are still that odd few that end up conversing with me almost every night despite this issue. How do they cope? That is what I think to myself every day. I know for certain that if I had someone like myself on my contacts list or on my facebook they would be blocked and deleted because I just couldn't handle them which is highly hypocritical as I have recognised this capability within myself. But, oh well, I guess everybody's different and if you don't like it then you just don't talk to me I guess.

                                                                    x-Jan-x

Because Of You

People are so confusing - it's so difficult to tell what people are thinking or feeling and what their motives are but it's something you have to try and figure out anyway, especially with closer friends. It's like an unspoken rule to not tread on your best friends toes and everyone knows it, but is it really that easy to do? You have to play on the safe side of everything just in case you might upset them, which is probably even more infuriating when they never tell you anything. It gets to the point sometimes, where you feel the relationship is just you offloading all your problems whilst they casually listen and offer the odd means of comfort, no doubt with their best intentions but it is damn annoying. There's also that awkward moment when someone brings up a topic of conversation you know nothing about because your friend didn't want to tell you, for whatever reason, and you just sit there chillin' thinking 'well, this isn't awkward at all.' Everyone involved experiences this tension in the room and the topic gets swiftly changed to improve the atmosphere, but those moments are still there.

                                                                                    x-Jan-x

Just some thoughts

I'll never be the guy with great hair
I'll never be the guy with a great six pack
I'll never be the guy with lots of money
I'll never be the guy with flawless skin
I'll never be the guy with the perfect body
I'll never be the guy who never lies
I'll never be the guy who never argues with you
I'll never be the guy who puts you before everyone else
I'll never be perfect

I will be the guy who says what he thinks
I will be the guy that remains faithful till the end
I will be the guy who tries to be honest with you
I will be the guy who puts my friends first
I will be the guy who loves you for who you are
I will be the guy that tries not to judge
I'll try to be the best I can be

Not only you and me

Being confident is something so difficult to achieve in today's society. Everywhere you look, there are billboards of 'perfect people'; the right size, shape, colour, sex, every last detail airbrushed to perfection. This is what we are expected to live up to, looking like perfection, when it's just not possible. How are we supposed to be positive with out own bodies and what we have when all we have to compare ourselves to is fake? No wonder everyone is always depressed about their appearance and struggles to find a single aspect of themselves that they appreciate. Not enough people are confident within their own skin and it's a sad fact, everyone should be happy with who they are but so much emphasis is being put on current generations to focus on appearance, when the appearance we're pressured into attaining is impossible. It's about time the media started encouraging people to love themselves for who they are and what they look like, so that they can start believing in themselves and have the confidence to go out and do things without the pressure of looking like some anorexic billboard model who looks nothing like what she seems.

                                                                        x-Jan-x

Intoxicate me now

I literally cannot think of anything to blog about and it's really frustrating me right now. You might think it's odd that I'm even writing a post at all if I don't know what to write about but it really relaxes me. It seems like writing a blog is like having a conversation with yourself and it's really easy to talk about feelings and thoughts on almost any topic imaginable but there lies the problem, thinking of the topic to blog about. When you can choose anything, that decision becomes so much harder; it's like choosing a film to watch, it's easier to choose from 2 dvds than from hundreds. It's a simple decision to make! Maybe I should get someone to tell me what to blog about and save me all the trouble of thinking; that's the difficult part.

                                                                             x-Jan-x

Drop it like a hood

Being two-faced is a quality that everyone despises in a person but aren't we all a little bit two-faced at some point or another? I know I definitely act differently around different groups of people - it seems like a natural thing to do, to fit in more with the crowd around you. Also, the people you're with bring out different aspects of your personality - I'm a right bitch when I'm with certain people but then I could start talking to someone else and become the epitome of nice. You can't say that this behaviour is limited to only certain 'two-faced' people. Everyone displays different aspects of their own personality when around certain people so I think the 'two faced' label is a bit irrelevant and only used when you can't think of a better reason to dislike someone.

                                                                   x-Jan-x

That's how I roll

Everyone knows at least one persons who responds to every statement and question with a sarcastic reply or some form of jokey response. These tend to make the asker look bad and the person making the comment look funny. Is the reason for all these 'jokes' just because they are just a general funny guy or is this some sort of unconscious defence mechanism. Are they really just scared of being put down by others or looked down upon for speaking to certain people publically? Maybe making these responses stops them from having to think about what they really want to say or display certain emotions, thus putting all focus away from any serious topic and towards how hilarious they are. By doing this, people can avoid uncomfortable topics without people noticing or maybe it's a way of gathering some quick attention and feeling better about yourself. Low self esteem could make someone believe they have to be funny in order to be liked, as being theirselves would somehow be perceived as something insignificant. Putting others down through humour makes people laugh but it can also hurt an individual so although, these certain people are making themselves feel better, maybe they are hurting others in the process and not actually doing themselves any good. It seems that humour is the emotional defence that covers up any emotional troubles you may be having; just as vanity protects you from insults against physical appearance. Both these things just seem like cover-ups for insecurities, or, that's what I think anyways.


                                                                          x-Jan-x

If I said I want your body, would you hold it against me?

Flirting is such an entertaining way to pass the time. Whether you're actually interested in the person or not is completely irrelevant; flirtatious chatter is just so enjoyable. Even a simple response can be made flirtatious by adding a simple wink or other suggestive emoticon but they make conversation flow that much better. It's fun to push the boundaries of flirtatious behaviour with each conversation as well, whether online or in person. Slowly advancing from the odd innuendo to poking someone or making an outright dirty comment. But, how far is too far before you leave their comfort zone and start making them feeling slightly uncomfortable. I suppose, if you so happen to do this, you can dismiss it as banter or just playful behaviour but does it affect how people act around you in the future? Online flirtatiousness is so much easier because it is so much more impersonal, you can get away with a lot more, especially if there is a genuine attraction to that party. This is an advantage for these seeking more than just a casual chat. but, generally, flirtation is a nice thing in any conversation with anyone(apart from family members, as that is just downright odd.) It makes the other party seem wanted in some way and boosts self esteem whilst also ensuring a nice friendly chat, although there may be the occasional awkwardness caused by going too far. Anyways, I don't know exactly where I'm going with this post or what point I'm trying to make but that's just how it is.

                                                                           x-Jan-x

The shoe is going on the other foot tonight

Just thought I'd quickly write about someone who means a lot to me. On the left of me there is my dad, John, my brother, Jack, and Auntie Hannah. For the 15 years that I've known her, she has never once shown me any hostility or judged me for anything I have done. When I was very young, I used to spend hours colouring with her in her room and watching cartoons on the TV, blissfully happy and entertained for hours which must've been great for my parents. As I've grown older, I've grown out of doing those things, but Auntie Hannah still regularly does them because, as you can see, she has Downs Syndrome and still enjoys doing those things. I miss spending as much time with her as I used to but it is still nice to talk to her when I see her and find out what she's been up to. She's been very ill recently and isn't as mobile as she used to be but she can still be as happy and funny as ever though she is now considerably grumpier as she has aged and become frequently unwell. But, no matter what, I will always be 'a silly sausage' to her. I love you.

                                                                             x-Jan-x

You're beautiful (drop dead)

Giving advice is easier than dealing with a situation yourself. Everything is so much clearer when someone relays a situation to you; you automatically think of logical approaches to every possible drama and usually manage to help advise someone with possible strategies and ways to overcome emotional problems. However, the same cannot be said for your own problems. You always feel so lost and confused and need others input and advice to help you through your troubles, well, most of the time anyway. And what's more, you never take your own advice. No matter how many times you've instructed people on how you personally would deal with their situation, the advice you gave simply disappears or seems obsolete when it comes to your life. I don't know why this is exactly, perhaps you envisage that your problems are somehow greater than everybody else's or you, somehow are more important and need some form of higher guidance to help you through your problem. Or maybe, it's down to low self esteem and you don't believe that your advice is good enough to actually work in a situation and you're the kind of person who likes to help others and so give them your advice anyways in the hope that it will inspire them to figure things out for themselves. I don't think that either the former or latter of my opinions on the matter are particularly positive or nice ways of thinking about things but that's just what I came up with in the last half an hour or so of thinking about it.

                                                                             x-Jan-x

Failure is not an option

Live life with no regrets. This is an ideal that everyone has heard/ been told by someone at least once in their life. But, seriously, we're all only human. There's no way that you can go through life without regretting a single thing; if you fail your maths exam, you are obviously going to regret that you didn't revise. Maybe it's not an ideal we should aspire to follow exactly to the letter but rather an ideal to look up to as something that could be attained in a perfect world. If you try to live as closely as possible to that ideal, life would be a thoroughly more enjoyable experience. Instead of not regretting making a mistake, think about the mistake you've made, learn from it and then try and move on. That way, you have no regrets about the entire situation but can use it as a learning experience. And let's face it, learning from a mistake is better than not making a mistake in the first place, nobody's perfect and once you have made that mistake and acknowledged it you learn so much more. This knowledge can then be used in future situations and experiences to help you become a better person and not make the same mistakes again.

                                                                       x-Jan-x

It's been a while, but I'm here now

Just thought I'd have a quick rant about why Twitter frustrates me, it has the potential to be so much better than it is. Obviously, one of the amazing advantages of Twitter is that you can follow all of your favourite celebrities and see what they're getting up to, also getting latest updates on singles, album releases, movies, tours etc. However, there are also some really annoying people on Twitter with their constant spamming of 'Follow ______, they follow back!!' Who cares? If you're gonna tweet, tweet something interesting rather than a load of spam to encourage people to retweet you and get yourself some more followers. Grow up! Social networking is not there to play childish little games and see who can get the most followers. Is your social life that bad that you have to make yourself feel popular on twitter? I really feel sorry for these people. Of course, I'm not saying everyone who has a load of followers on Twitter or any other site is just desperate for attention; there are some genuinely interesting people who deserve all this attention who aren't constantly in your faces with pointless tweets. Anyways, not that that's off my chest, I'm gonna finish getting ready before we go out for Easter Dinner.

                                                         x-Jan-x

Not another christian festival...

It's Easter tomorrow but I'm not excited in the slightest. It's sad that as the years go by family events like Easter and Christmas get less and less exciting. I remember back in the day when I'd be up at the crack of dawn to see what Father Christmas or the Easter Bunny had brought me. Too excited and buzzing so much that I couldn't sleep and having to be the first one up out of bed to go on a frantic Easter egg hunt and collect more eggs than all of my siblings. But now it just feels like any other day and such a chore to have to feign enjoyment for the sake of younger generations. Why can't these feelings be relived every Easter for the rest of my life? It's such a shame that as we mature, we lose our childhood innocence and lose all these fantastic and unique experiences. So, is it maturity that increases as we age or do we lose something important that made life so much more fun? This is a question that's been bugging me all year and I just can't seem to find any explanation.

                                                                    x-Jan-x

You'll be my summerboy

Been sat here, staring at this blank space for an hour thinking of what to write and I couldn't think of anything poignant. It's really hot today and I'm dreading going to work later in this heat. It's bad enough in the winter in my black shirt and trousers with the heating on, rushing around serving food, drinks and taking orders. Although I often complain about my job and having to work, it's not actually that bad. I don't really mind it there; the pay is good especially with tips and my colleagues are always friendly and helpful unless it's really busy and everyone gets stressed. This is undoubtedly going to happen tonight as temperature is something that causes workplace stress, great. (Kudos to me for incorporating some aspect of psychology in this blog - just about the only revision I've done this holiday - if that counts.) Wouldn't it be nice to receive a text right now to say they don't need me tonight? Then, I could sit and relax outside with a nice, cold lager which, let's face it, is every mans idea of summer bliss. But, instead I shall be serving everyone else cold alcoholic beverages and making sure they have a nice evening at The Olive Tree.
Oh well, it's Easter tomorrow and I'm going to my Nan's house, something to look forward to I think. There's nothing quite like a nice family gathering really - the same old niceties that everyone shows towards each other and the casual digs that never quite go unnoticed. I don't know why but my family seems to love making little comments about each other all the time and creating sort of an awkward atmosphere and then my mum will crack out the good old gay jokes - way to kill a conversation mum. I think she thinks that I find them really funny but they aren't to be honest, you feel obliged to do that fake laugh to show everyone you weren't offended but it's actually pretty hurtful - I've never heard any straight jokes yet, about my sister and a guy. I guess they're just not that entertaining to our society, it's only good to make fun out of minority groups. Got to love Britain - the country of racist, sexist and homophobic jokes.

                                                                         x-Jan-x

A genuine guy

So, I have this amazing friend, he's really funny and just a genuinely nice guy. Yet, when it comes to women, he seems to have no luck, he either gets rejected or they treat him badly and I just don't get it. I can't even understand it if they were shallow girls, because he's also pretty good looking - I mean, I wouldn't say no but he happens to be straight. It makes me sad that the world is so unfair and that people take advantage of others so easily? What ever happened to loving people for who they are and being true and genuine? Everywhere I look there are people stringing others along for their own benefit, what is the world coming too... Surely, there would be some guilt involved in using someone for a while and then just ditching them like they were yesterday's underwear? :/

                                                                    x-Jan-x

The hardships of blogging

Why is it so hard to think of things to blog? It should be easy, a blank page to put down limitless thoughts, emotions, feelings, just about anything really. Yet, I struggle to type on my keyboard and find the right words to say to express my thoughts. I'd love to just be able to write and write about all my  personal issues and troubles, both resolved and unresolved yet I know that the only people who will ever be this will be my friends. Still, even if no-one read this blog, it does not make it any easier to put pen to paper, so to speak. There are probably people who find that blogging comes naturally to them and they can just write flawlessly for days and days but unfortunately, I am not one of them, but I suppose we have to make the best of what we've got! I wish this whole task got easier and easier with each post but it doesn't, at least I can say I put a lot of thought and effort into what I write. This is just my own personal take on this whole blogging issue, my friend Nick is writing another at www.entertheplasticjungle.blogspot.com if you'd like another point of view. Enjoy!

                                                                     x-Jan-x

Would you ever try sex with a girl, for me?

This is a rather entertaining question that I received on my formspring account recently. (If you don't know what formspring is or if you want to check my account, check out www.formspring.me/Smilasaur) Anyways, it got me thinking about the whole principle of trying sex. Is sex really something that should be tried? Or is it something that should be experienced when you feel ready, with someone you feel ready to experience it with?  Sex should never be tried, it's not like a new food, it's an important emotional and physical experience - especially the first time.
 On a personal level, I wouldn't try sex with a girl, because I am comfortable with my sexuality - I am a gay male and I don't need to 'try sex with a girl' to see if I enjoy it. Would a straight male/female 'try sex' with someone of the same sex to see if they enjoyed it? I don't think they would somehow, I think they'd probably be offended that I'd even asked the question in the first place as being straight is perceived as 'normal' and any deviation from this 'norm' must be questioned and analyzed. Would you try sex with your pet to see if you enjoyed bestiality? Again, I think not. So, thank you, anonymous formspringer for your question; maybe you should think about a question before you send it?

                                                                      x-Jan-x

Optimism is a turn on

This may sound a little hypocritical if you know me really well as I'm a pretty negative person in private but I'm trying to be more and more positive every day. Anyways, I just thought I'd share a post about being optimistic - which I believe to be one of the greatest qualities in a person. Being positive makes you seem more confident in yourself (isn't it so annoying when people are always complaining about their appearance, I'm too fat, I'm too skinny, my bum's too big etc.) and this makes people attracted towards you. Wouldn't you rather date someone who was happy in themselves than someone who sat there complaining about every aspect of their physical being? It's not very sexy for someone to tell you they're ugly really, so that's why optimism is a turn on. Someone that is proud of who they are and what they look like is gonna get so much more action than someone who whines. Period.

                                                                         x-Jan-x

Why Am I Gay?

A lot of people always ask me this question all the time. Whenever I go out and meet new people I'm always guaranteed to be asked this at least once, so I thought I'd share my answer to this question as my first post. Asking why I'm gay implies that I made a conscious choice in my head one day to become gay, which is ridiculous! Why would anyone choose to live life as a prejudiced minority? Also, when did anyone decide consciously to be straight? There is no poignant moment in life where you just decide on a sexual orientation, you are the born the way you are and you just learn to accept and appreciate it as you grow. So, for anyone that ever asks this to me again, this is my answer, I am gay because I was born that way not because I thought it would be fun to suck some dick for the rest of my life.

                                                                         x-Jan-x